Hello! 💜🕊💜 I dearly hope it's been good times for all!
Its been a huge month this past weeks and days. Each new day bringing new challenges whether that be physical pain, emotional turmoil or mental challenges. Many years ago when I was a young mother, all the horrific events of my life accumulated into one big ball of insanity and I succumbed to it.
I was in a tug of war so tight, I had to let go of the rope. All my hopes and dreams of a magical life as wife and mother collapsed into a world of fear and terror and I had absolutely no clue as to how to do anything else but drop the rope.
My efforts of trying to escape included me removing anything that moved and wasn't basic household need, I disposed of it all and it was never found again. However, Everything stayed the same.
So a month later I set fire to our home.
An eg., I was married to a sex addict. He was also a control freak of mammoth proportion! He dictated my every part of the day, though he was absent in his workplace.
He had a mate that was also a sex addict and felt he wasn't getting enough at home and so decided he would come to my place in the daytime and have his way with me, an unwilling participant!
I had two children aged two and six months. I worked in my home which was set up as a workshop in my kitchen. I was on piecework. I was under strict orders to quit smoking on that day. My housework list of chores was left on my kitchen table each day. I had no washing machine and had to use a gas copper and rinse and wring out laundry by hand!
The light of my day was to read the Sun newspaper death notices. I would pore all over them for reasons unbeknownst to me. If I read the death notices first, then I flipped over the other stuff. I always had a fascination with death.
So this sad St Patrick's day, I stared miserably into space, trying to imagine myself getting up from that chair and doing this list of chores. Knowing full well that he will come home and do the white glove test and I would have done it wrong! I married my effing mother for Gods sake! Now that's an epiphany for me bcoz I have always known that I married one or both of my parents, but my mother!!! Then I gave birth to her!!! But first I gave birth to my husband. All these mini me's! No wonder I'm stuffed up!
this was not my intention to write about. So so many stories within stories. Do other people think as deeply as I do? I friggin must have an analysis for everything. But I must admit, doing it my way I'm getting to know myself more and more and am able to assess if I'm the kind of woman I would like to have in my life.
I recall my final common law husband relationship, becoming overwhelmed when I observed myself playing mind games to justify my existence, and had yet another 'light bulb' moment when I said out loud to myself, "Wow, we really get to know ourself when living with a partner!" Instead of "You sure get to know someone when you live with them!" Because that's the catch cry I always used, and I hear people all over the world state the same phrase. Important to turn the spotlight on the self, rather than on another?
God has truly blessed me with some of the most amazingly, powerful women in my life space. Wisdom, courage, strength of character and so much more than I can lay my mind to. Amazing women!
Then an odd not so nice women who don't understand me at all. I do believe they don't realise I am who I say I am. If I do something that goes against my principles, my faith, or the standard I have set myself in this new life as an elder, then I will tell you. Got no time to live a lie anymore. On reflection tother nite I have done something that goes against that standard, but I was caught off guard.
My brother had crossed over to his next exciting chapter of his soul just hours after I was able to go to his deathbed and perform the last rites on him. Anoint him, pray my version of the Rosary as it lay around his heart chakra. Does anyone out there understand what a buzz that is?
then there was the time I was able to share the Eucharist, what you may know a son !!! I swear on the Holy Scriptures that was a typo,)Communion!
I'll begin again. Then there was the time I was able to share Holy Communion with a Muslim couple, one of whom was hoping for a miracle, or maybe both of them were, had asked me if they couldn't please partake of my bread and wine? I had one of those electric storms in my head as I grope for the answer. 30second pause! I faced an enormous challenge as I groped frantically. Then the stillness came! Hello! God speaking! Don't worry, I'll get this. This is mine!
Of course, I'll be honoured to come back. That was one of my golden moments when I was standing in the presence of the heavenly hosts. No language, but the language of the heart. God told me, this is in gold writing ok!
THE HEART IS THE TEMPLE WHERE ALL TRUTH RESIDES
God told us all that. I mean God didn't only tell me. It out the in plain site. Jesus said Let those who have ears to hear. Whatever He said. I'm not word perfect, I just know it means we must, we have to, we need to listen with your heart open. People are so closed into their little role playing acts with each other. The sad reality is that they are walking around like zombies because it's familiar.
The planet seems to be on a trajectory for collision. The war between good and evil is being played out here in our everyday life on our streets, in our homes, in our workplaces. Since the unions, religion, spirituality, are being discarded and nowit's just one great big load of crap. Trump! Idiot! Kim kooming or whatever his name is, get a fucking job for gods sake. Too late for you losers. We have our own set of disaster politics happening here in Australia. Bloody lot of competitive bully's.
I can't believe we Aussies have been so freaking gullible to fall for this crap they're handing us. They whine and whinge about how much we pensioners are a burden on the public purse! Then they pay them selves some ludicrous wage plus lifetime life of luxury, and make sure their rich golf buddies and bankers have their palm greased.
And if the second head honcho can't keep his zip done up and screws the monika lookalike and gets her up the duff, or not, "but hey, that's ok coz Aussies are so fucking weak, a week and we'll be onto the next comedic act in Canberra."
we are on a runaway train and we better "Brace ourself Effie"
i believe and will just leave this out there. That the 12x12 Steps and Tradition are the vision for the new world. Just imagine that every one on earth worked and lived this 12x12 in our every day, in our everyway.
I'm happy to elaborate on anything you may ask of me.
The slogans LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME, EASY DOES IT, LIVE AND LET LIVE (I THINK THIS MEANS MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS), THINK THINK THINK, (For me this means 'go beyond the third thought),
There are more but not sitting in my headspace at present. Some girl in my meeting said once USE THESE SLOGANS AS THE RAILINGS TO YOUR STEPS. That's a great visual for me and I live in visual. I with great pride, celebrate my family i found in the Gumpa Society. Forest Gump is my all time favourite movie along with Philadephia, Meet Joe Black and Beaches. After watching Forest so many times and knew I had found my twin Soul. Except he got all the money!
I see I have totally lost my direction from when I began, but that's what happens when I'm spirit led. I'm interested if anyone picks up on change is writing style?
ive been writing, I see, for a couple of hours. Have no idea of why I started, but I've learned over the years the words are here in the end of my finger and all I have to do is pickup my tools. Amazing really. I just remembered about the breakdown I started telling you about. But I've just had a message from Frank saying he's just fine and he said saving a seat for her.
im so glad I made that call because it was exactly what my sister in law needed to hear and I needed reassurance too. My brother who left us just 9 days ago, was here knocking on my senses. Ring 🌈🌈🌈 ring🌈🌈🌈ring🌈🌈🌈
So I did. I feel rejuvenated actually. This past few weeks have been challenging to say the least. I also remember talink about my nervous breakdown as it's called by the world. I think it's a breakthrough. Also I learned how easy it is to hide in the shadows of mental illness because it's a safe place, and I've walked that wild side and it's been ugly.
Now i aks you "Do you want to get well? Do you want to heal? Just like Jesus asked! He also said Physician heal thyself. That means yourself. You! You can heal yourself. Not your physical health so much, but you can heal that broken, wounded child living inside you. You can begin by going to the mirror and falling I need love with yourself! The person who lives in you. Detach from your body! Lie down on the ground and look up at the sky! But look beyond the sky thru the lenses that only the blind can see!
Nacissias. I don't know how to spell his name, but the dude who fell in love with his image! I'm talking about the image of God that you're made in? It's taken me many years, in fact many many years to realise I have it all written in here. I had a dream one nite or day, that God has given me every instruction needed to embark on this journey of life. God had written in out on three sheets of paper.
I had read it and memorised every line and was coming out of the dream and I couldn't hold onto the pages and bring them back with me. I remember coming back to wakefulness, before the committee kick starts their day, in my head. That silent space between sleep and wake whenever you're not in one place because you have one foot in heaven and one foot on earth. My heaven once was my hell.
So then I'm having a grief moment because I couldn't remember what was written down on those pages. As I pondered this grief I had a light bulb moment that said Hello! It's written down. Not only on paper, but on my soul. And I'll know exactly what I need to know from thereon in. And if I don't know just ask someone. Google it!
Dont you just love those Google Moments! Where's Uncle John buried? Shaking of heads all around! Hang on I'll google it! Says Shane! Carole? Tom dick Harry .....lol.l.l
Soon we'll be saying I'm having a Google Moment! We won't know whether to smile or cry?
i must finish up now. If I've left you in the dark with my topic-queue-jumping